


Perfect | Zuho x Taeyang

by narcissaiy



Category: Grey's Anatomy, K-pop, SF9 (Band)
Genre: Doctors, Emo, Hospital, M/M, Rich - Freeform, SF9 - Freeform, Sad, angsty, kpop, zuho - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-09-24 13:35:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17101562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narcissaiy/pseuds/narcissaiy
Summary: Hotshot doctor Baek Juho comes back to work after a 3-month vacation to visit his family in Korea. He hoped that everything would be exactly the way he left it at the hospital, seeing as they let him keep his job as head of Neurosurgery. Yoo Taeyang starts his first day on the job as the head of Trauma the same day Juho comes back and his impression of him is not the way he expected it to be.*Disclaimer*-This is based on the Netflix show Grey's Anatomy, but things are not going to be identical.-Taeyang's anxiety and mental health reflect that of mine.-Will be mentions of self-harm and suicide, also reflected off of personal experience, not romanticization-NSFW at parts-Chapter names based on songs





	1. PROLOGUE: Egotistic

**Sunday Night, 10:00 PM:**

Zuho arrived at the airport later than he expected. He was exhausted and frustrated; a 14 hour delayed flight from Korea was not what he needed the day before he went to work. He decided to drop by the bar just to have a few drinks to forget the rough travels. His silver-blue hair was brushed to the side, his suit jacket keeping the frigid December air from making him freeze. He brought an attitude with him everywhere he went, making sure people know not to mess with him. But he wasn't stupid, he knew what he was doing. He sat at the bar stool, asking for a shot of vodka, looking around the bar at the people. There were a few familiar faces, as well as a few unfamiliar ones. He sat alone, thinking about work tomorrow.  _New interns, new doctors, new everything, what the hell._

The door to the bar opened again. A man walked in, wearing a scruffy leather jacket and a torn black t-shirt and ripped jeans.  _New neighbors now too, damn._ His black hair was swiped back, his face with a look of confusion.  _Don't sit next to me, I don't have the energy to make small talk._ Upon closer inspection, Zuho realized that scruffy boy was cute, but also intimidating. He sat down on the stool next to Zuho and asked for Tequila. 

"Tequila? This late?" Zuho asked.  _What happened to small talk, idiot..._

"Hmm? Oh. I start work tomorrow at this new place. Kinda nervous, just got in tonight. What about you?" he asked.

"Oh, same, kinda," Zuho responded, asking for another shot. 

"How specific of you," the man replied sarcastically.

Zuho looked at him with a glare.  _The_ Glare. The one that made people turn away out of intimidation. Except for this time, the boy looked back at Zuho with his eyebrows raised and smiling. 

"Does hotshot have a name?" asked the boy.

"Hotshot? What's that mean?"

"Whatever you want it to mean," he responded.

"Well, its Juho, but I'd rather you call me Zuho."

"Hotshots picky. Well, my name is Taeyang. I don't have a nickname." He downed his last shot, then got up. "See you around I guess," he said, walking away.  _Well, that wasn't weird._ Zuho downed his last shot, then paid and left, tipping the bartender.

He rented a small studio apartment when he came home, his best friend and coworker Jaeyoon setting it up for him. Upon arrival, there was a note. It read "Big day at the hospital tomorrow, new interns and a new attending. Love ya loser <3 - Jae." Zuho smiled to himself. He unpacked his suitcase, putting a picture of him and his parents on the bedside table.  _I should unpack. Nah._ He took off his shirt and jeans, leaving him in boxers. He went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

"My name is Baek Juho. Call me Zuho if you're an attending. Call me Dr.Baek if you're a resident. Don't speak to me unless spoken to if you're an intern. I am the head of Neurosurgery and you will refer to me for anything regarding it. I don't take orders, I  _make_ them," he said to himself in the mirror.  _Good boy, now go to sleep._

 

**Monday Morning, 8:30 AM:**

With his head held high, his black button down ironed and creased, his hair greased back and his glasses straightened, Zuho walked straight into the attendings lounge for the first meeting. The Chief of Surgery was standing on the table, waiting for everyone to get settled in and listening. "ZUHO!" cried out a familiar voice. He turned to see his best friend Jaeyoon run at him. "Hey man!" he said, hugging him. "God, I'm so glad you're back. I had to force myself to like the other Neuro attending. He was old and cranky, I hated it. Everyone missed you! How are your parents?" He asked over-excitedly. "Oh they're great, they miss you, kept asking about their 'second son'." "Uh, you mean the  _favorite son!"_ Jaeyoon mocked. His other friends came up to him. He started to catch up with the other attendings, talking about life in the past 3 months without him.

Suddenly, a familiar face entered the lounge.  _What the fuck?_

"Jae, who is that?"

"Must be the new trauma attending and ER head, the last one got a new job at some hospital in another state. She was nice and all, kinda miss her," he responded calmly. 

"Okay everyone, I think we're all here." Youngbin brought all the attention to him.

"I called this meeting because we have new people joining our team. You all understand that today, we have new interns and new residents. It happens every year at the same time, so this shouldn't be news. The reason why I gathered us is that, as you all see, our infamous Neurosurgeon is back. Dr.Baek has returned after a 3-month long time-off. Mind you, he isn't new," Youngbin started, then paused for Zuho to wave. "He's been with us for 4 years as an attending and did his residency here." Zuho smiled at Youngbin, who helped him through the worst times of those years.

"We also have a new head of trauma. Yoo Taeyang, who will be referred to as Dr.Yoo. This is the first day on the job, so treat him with respect. Trauma is one of the more fast-paced environments," Youngbin started. Everyone turned to face Taeyang. He was smaller than everyone. He had the same leather jacket on as yesterday, but he had a white button down and black jeans.  _God, he's hot. Wait what the fuck._

"Okay, everyone. The residents will be getting interns, have fun with that. Aaaaaand BREAK!" Youngbin cried out, jumping off the table. The whole room scattered around. "Another day at work, where all the attendings run at 100 miles per hour," Inseong called out, grabbing his lab coat and phone. 

"Why do you seem so tense, Zuho?" his friend Rowoon asked. Rowoon was the head of Plastic surgery, which made sense, seeing as he was the hottest doctor in the hospital, with Zuho as the runner-up. "Oh, I'm not tense. First day back, that's all."

Zuho sat on the couch, looking through all the patients he had for the day. He didn't start until 9. 

 


	2. Hotshot

**Monday Morning, 8:45 AM:**

Zuho sat on the couch, checking the tablet for the patients for the day. On the other side of the lounge, Taeyang was getting ready, checking his phone to see if everything was alright and making sure he looked his best. He went to go sit on the couch, when he knocked over a vase, making it crash on the floor.  _Fuck fuck fuck fuck I fucked up on my first day in front of the hot doctor what the fuck._ "Shit..." Taeyang said. Zuho looked up from his tablet and saw Taeyang frantically trying to clean up the mess with his hands. "Woah there, your hands are valuable," Zuho said, standing up to go get paper towels. But Taeyang just sat there, picking up the pieces with his hands. "I made a mess I gotta clean it u-up," Taeyang said, his breathing getting faster and shorter. "Dr.Yoo step away from the broken glass before you injure yourself," Zuho said, trying to push Taeyang away.

Taeyang made a painful sound, inhaling sharply.  _Great now there's glass in me, how con-fucking-vinient._ "Goddamnit!" Taeyang said, standing up. "Woah, okay Taeyang calm down, come here," Zuho said, grabbing his hand. "It's not that bad. Come with me."

Zuho took him to get him fixed up. He had Taeyang by the wrist.

"Don't damage your hands. First day nerves?" Zuho asked confidently, patching up his hand.

"First day as an attending. I passed my boards with flying colors, but that was a year ago," Taeyang said.

"You're not the same confident asshole I met yesterday, Taeyang," Zuho asked, a little quieter so people don't hear.

"That was when you were just another hot confident asshole in a bar, not a long-term neuro attending!"

"Hot?" Zuho asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I- never mind, just tell me if I'm good,"

"You're good," Zuho said, as he finished wrapping the band-aid. Taeyang got up and brushed himself off, then ran past Zuho, into the ER. 

 

**Monday Noon, 12:00 PM:**

Jaeyoon, Rowoon, Inseong, and Zuho sat at a table together during their lunch break, catching up on their lives and asking Zuho about life back home. 

"Wait, so Rowoon went through two boyfriends  _and_ a girlfriend in three months?" Zuho exclaimed. 

"Yeah, everyone's been calling him Dr.Hotshot," Inseong said.

"Wait that's my nickname! I'm the scary hot intimidating doctor. He's just a slutty Plastic surgeon!" 

"Yeah, well that's what happens when you leave for three months," Rowoon said, biting down on his sandwich. "Who are you guy's working with as your residents? I have Chani. He's really young but god damn he knows his stuff and he's interested in Plastics!"

"I have this guy named Hwiyoung. He's new, kinda shy. He knows his stuff too, but I wish he talked more instead of staring at his phone the whole time," said Inseong. 

"I don't have anyone, it's my first day."

"I have no one, but that's because there are like 4 surgical residents in the program, everyone else is not-surgical or an intern," Jaeyoon said.

Just then, Taeyang entered the cafeteria, holding a bagged lunch. He looked around the room to find somewhere to sit. He found an empty table. As he went to go sit in it, a resident rushed to sit at the chair, knocking Taeyang off his balance. "Interns sit with interns," said the guy. Taeyang got up and brushed himself off. Zuho watched the whole thing go down, then stood up from his chair. "Zuho what are you doing?" "Nothing."

He walked over to the attending and looked him in the eye. "Hi there, I don't believe we met!" He said, in a fake sweet voice. "No we haven't," the resident said, mistaking Zuho's sarcasm for hospitality. As he stood up, Zuho gave him a stare down. "Go sit with the other residents, and apologize to your attending.  _Now._ Before I give you a reason to beg for  _my_ forgiveness." The resident quickly took his lunch and mumbled an apology to Taeyang, then ran off. 

"You okay?" Zuho asked.

"Y-yeah I'm okay."

"You're wearing intern scrubs. Where did you get those?"

"Oh, there was an accident this morning. Lots of blood. I needed to change and I couldn't find the deep blue scrubs. I thought my lab coat would let peop- I'm not wearing my lab coat..." Taeyang said, realizing his mistake. "God, I'm such a screw-up."

"It's a mistake. You came here to save lives, not put on a fashion show. Don't sit alone dude, come sit with us," Zuho said, putting his arm around Taeyang. He felt instant relief and confusion at the same time the second he came in contact with his arm.

As they walked to the table, all of the attendings looked at Zuho like he was a hero. "Hey Dr.Yoo!" said Jaeyoon, pulling up a chair for Taeyang. "I'm Dr.Lee, thats Dr.Kim, and that's also Dr.Kim," Jaeyoon said. "It's fun being Korean, isn't it?" said Zuho. The table laughed at his joke, only making Taeyang feel smaller. He sat quietly, listening to Zuho's stories in Korea. Zuho's confidence and attitude radiated throughout the table. _He's perfect. His hair. His smile, his face, his attitude and confidence. God damn him to hell._

"So Dr.Yoo-"

"Call me Taeyang, its okay," he said, laughing quietly.

"Okay,  _Taeyang_. What's your story?" Zuho asked.

"I came in last night, from Chicago. I lived there my whole life. I did my residency and everything. I passed my board's a year ago."

"Why did you wait a year before you became an attending?" Inseong asked. Taeyang's mind went blank. "Oh, uh, n-no reason. Family stuff, you know?" he lied. Zuho saw right through him but kept quiet.

"Well, it's good to have you on board with us. But why trauma?"

"Well, no one expects the smallest one to do it, so here I am. Against all odds!" Taeyang said. His phone went off. "Speaking of which, I am being paged. I'll see you all around!" 

They all bid him farewell and went back to their conversation. But Zuho couldn't help but wonder what happened to that boy in the past year.

 

**Monday Night, 10:30 PM:**

 

"God, it felt nice to do surgery again, even if it was small," Zuho said to Jaeyoon. "I know how you feel man. I had to go a month without surgery because I broke my finger," Jaeyoon said, shoving his middle finger in Zuho's face. "Hey knock it off!" He said laughing. "You wanna crash at my place tonight?" Jaeyoon asked. "Nah, I gotta unpack my stuff and settle in. Thanks for the food though," he said. Jaeyoon grabbed his things and walked off. "See you tomorrow then Zuho!" 

He smiled to himself, thinking about how well his first day back was. He walked out of the room and into the hallway. It was quiet and dark, lit up only by other patients rooms. He absorbed the atmosphere, letting the smell of the hospital flood into his system. He might spend the night in the on-call room just for the sake of it.  _Might as well, nothing else to do tonight at home. Maybe I should get a cat so it's less lonely._ He knocked on the on-call room, thinking it was shut. But upon closer inspection, he saw that it opened on the first knock. 

He entered a room, and there was a sound coming from one of the beds, like a soft sob. "H-hello?" Zuho asked quietly. A man turned around to face Zuho. Taeyang.


	3. Moonlight

"Dr.Yoo?" 

Zuho walked into the room, closing and locking the door behind me. Taeyangs soft sobs can be heard from under the pillows of the bunk beds. "Taeyang?" He said, in a softer voice. "Are you okay, is everything okay?" He didn't turn on the lights, fearing it might make Taeyang agitated. He was crying on the top bunk, upon closer inspection. "Wh-what do you want?" He asked, wiping tears off of his face. "Well, originally nothing. I was gonna come in here and sleep. Then I realized you were crying. I should probably go then."

"No don't, I'll leave. It's embarrassing. You've seen me at my confidence and now at my weakest point," Taeyang said, getting up.

"Well, you're a doctor here. And you're a friend of mine. We're gonna be close, so might as well break the ice now. You don't have to leave. The whole hospital is like a family," Zuho said, sitting on the bunk below Taeyang. "You need to talk?" Taeyang thought for a moment. "I should just go. This is weird." Taeyang climbed down the bed and headed towards the door. "You know, I may be an over-confident asshole, but I care about you." Taeyang stopped in his tracks, the words 'I care about you' repeating in his head like an echo. 

Suddenly, a voice popped into his brain.  ** _Care? No one care's about you. You're alone, he's just saying that as protocol. No one actually gives a shit about you. You're a good for nothing doctor._** Taeyang fell onto the floor. His were knees pulled up to his chest and his eye's locked on the window, where the moonlight cast a light on his face. Zuho watched intently as this small young doctor collapsed. "Oh god, Taeyang."

He got up and walked towards him, trying to snap him out of this trance. "Taeyang? Are you okay? Can you hear me?" Taeyang looked at Zuho and snapped out of his trance. Tears started streaming down his face. "I-I- Don't let me drive home tonight," he said, trying to stand up, clutching onto the nearby table for support. "Okay, okay come here." Zuho grabbed Taeyangs arm and led him to a bed. He put a blanket over his body and tried to walk to the other side of the room to sleep on the other bed. As Zuho tried to walk away, he felt Taeyang grab his wrist and pull him towards him. He locked eyes with Zuho. He saw the pain and fear in Taeyang's eyes and made a decision. 

"Alright then. Looks like I'm sleeping next to you tonight." He took off his jacket and took his glasses off. He fixed his hair, keeping it out of his eyes, then climbed into the bed with Taeyang. "You don't have to tell me anything, but I'm here for you." Zuho got under the blanket, feeling the warmth radiating off of Taeyang's body. He put his arm around him, making sure he won't fall off or get up. "Goodnight, Taeyang." 

 

**Tuesday Morning, 7:30 AM:**

Taeyang woke up first, disoriented. He looked around and saw Zuho's arms around his torso and Zuho sleeping softly behind him.  _He's less annoying when he's sleeping. He's also cuter when he sleeps._ He tried to get up, but Zuho's arms were locked around him. "Zuho? Juho? Dr.Baek?" He said, trying to wake him up. "Hmmmmnnngg 5 more minuttteess," Zuho groaned. Taeyang giggled and turned to face him. Zuho opened his eyes after Taeyang shook him. "Fine, I'm awake. Your hair gets in the way of my sleeping, you know that Taeyang?" "I'm sorry my hair was an inconvenience to your beauty sleep. But like you said, we save lives, not run fashion shows," Taeyang said, getting up from the bed. Zuho followed suit, looking at Taeyang take off his shirt to put on a new one.  _Oh my, he has abs._

"Like what you're staring at?" Taeyang said, confidently. 

"There we go, that's the confident asshole I saw at the bar the other day."

Taeyang turned to face Zuho. His face was serious this time.

"Don't tell anyone about this. I'm trying to keep a low profile. I'm a mess, don't get involved with me."

"What happened last night?"

Taeyang froze. Last night's events replayed in his head. The crying, the collapsing, the voice. "I-uh,"

"I won't tell anyone." Zuho walked towards Taeyang, holding his hand.

"I have a bad thing in my head. Let's call it anxiety," Taeyang said quickly, trying not to get too detailed.

"Well. I'm here for you," Zuho said, smiling warmly.

The boys exited the room and headed to the attendings lounge, discussing their patients for the day and talking about how annoying the families can be. "She's literally dying of a brain tumor at an exponential rate. The family is rich and has enough money, but just because she's old and, I quote, 'On the last of her nine lives', they don't want to do it-"

"Shit-" Taeyang interrupted. His phone went off. 911.

Zuho was also paged 911 to the ER. They dropped their things on the floor and kicked it aside and made a run for it. "What is it!" Zuho shouted. "Gas truck explosion and multiple vehicle collision. Oh god," Taeyang said running with him. 

They arrived at the ambulance bay, the other doctors and residents arriving at the same time. Jaeyoon arrived last. "Were you here all night, Zuho?" he asked, out of breath. "You could say that." Zuho looked at Taeyang, hoping to make eye contact; instead, Taeyang's eyes were locked on the multiple arriving ambulances, ready to take on today with his head held high. 

Zuho watched Taeyang as if he were performing in Carnegie Hall. Time slowed down as he watched him act; his focus and his attention solely on the people in the back on the ambulance, running at the speed of light and commanding other doctors to take patients into trauma rooms. It was an art form, the way he moved. Zuho was snapped out of his trance when Taeyang called out his name to take a head injured patient. "On it!"

Three more ambulances arrived. Rowoom passed Zuho as they both wheeled patients into rooms. "Its gonna be a long day, Baek,"

 


	4. Collateral Damage

**Tuesday Night, 8:00 PM:**

 

Zuho walked angrily out of the operating room, throwing his mask and cap into the trash. He washed his hands and looked into the room, watching the nurses clean up the mess.  _God fucking damnit._ He lost a patient and on his second day back. "Damnit damnit DAMNIT!" He kicked the wall angrily, the pain in his toes only barely reaching the same level of pain he felt in his heart. He walked out and sat on the bench, his head in his hands. He had to tell the family that he lost their daughter in surgery. She was brain dead. "Fuck!" He slammed his fist onto the bench, trying hard to feel something other than anger.

Taeyang walked out of the nearby operating room. Actually, he more or less  _ran_ out of the room. "SOMEONE PAGE DR.BAEK  _NOW!_ " He cried out. Zuho looked up and saw Taeyang running around frantically looking for a pager, not noticing Zuho fuming on the bench. "What happened?!" Zuho shouted. "Patient has a spinal fracture and its  _bad._ If you don't help she might be paralyzed neck down." He got up and rushed into the operating room. "EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" The room came to a halt, the arguing between Jaeyoon and a shut up. "No one. Move. I'm coming in."  _I just need one good success. Just one._

He scrubbed into the room and started working on the spine. "Jaeyoon tell me what was the original plan," Zuho asked, getting to work. A resident spoke up, instead. "Dr.Lee was trying to-"

"Excuse me, who are you?"

"I-uh,"

"Whatever I don't care. I asked an Ortho attending not a resident. Get out of my OR,  _now_!" He said. Taeyang watched as Zuho took control. "Dr.Baek, is everything going to be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I just need everyone to be completely still. Jaeyoon come help me from the other side." Jaeyoon walked over, Taeyang watching and trying to control the bleeding. Zuho worked his magic on said patients spine, the room witnessing his art. Time was essential for Zuho. Every second he wastes trying to dictate to the room of his actions is a second he could be using to save this person's life. "Dr.Baek, do you need help?" one of the residents asked. "Who said that?" A smaller resident showed up. He had long black hair and deep brown eyes. "Me, Dr.Kim." "We have 3 Dr.Kim's in this hospital, what's your first name?" Zuho asked.

"Hwiyoung."

"Hwiyoung? Can I call you Hwi, it's faster."

"Yes sure."

"Good, Hwi, go notify the patients family about what's happening," he said.

"Right away."

"Oh and," Zuho looked up. "Can you notify the other family that their daughter died in my OR and that I'm trying to save someone else?" He said with anger in his voice. Anger that was directed towards himself. The room goes silent. 

"You, what?"

"I was very clear."

"Zuho, don't put that on the resident, it's his second day. That's your job." said a voice coming from the intercom. He looked up and Youngbin stared him down. "You have to notify the family about death, not your resident."

Zuho's eyes were daggers as he looked at Youngbin. "I am busy  _trying_ to save at least  _one_ life today." Youngbin looked at Zuho with an even more terrifying look. "You know what, I'll notify the family. Dr.Hwi you notify  _this_ patients famil-" "Dr.Kim stop dictating my OR!" He shouted angrily. Taeyang stepped in. "Okay, you need to focus on this patient. No one goes except me. I'll notify both families." He stormed out of the room, allowing Zuho to finish.

 

**Tuesday Night, 9:00 PM:**

 

"Aaaand Done!" Zuho called out, the room applauding. They tested the patient's nerve reactivity and then completed the surgery, with everyone, even Youngbin, in high spirits. Jaeyoon bid farewell to Zuho, mentioning something about his sister being home and missing dinner, and ran off. Taeyang and Zuho both ran out of the room, laughing in relief. "You did it, Dr.Baek!" he said, high fiving him. "Thanks, I needed that," he said, more confidently than he thought. "Dr.Hotshot is back, I see." "Shut up, I need a nickname for you." 

"Well, let's go notify the family and call it a night. You wanna grab a drink?" "Maybe, I need to go back to my apartment and unpack." Taeyang thought for a moment.  _Make a move idiot. It's obvious you're falling for this guy._ "If you want, I can help you? I'll bring some drinks I have at my place."  _God, was that too much, you might have ruined your chances._

"Sure, let me text you my address, here's my number." Zuho grabbed his phone and typed in his name and number, with a heart next to his name. He winked at Taeyang.  _Fuck fuck fuck Taeyang he knows._

"So the rumors are true. You're the flirt of the hospital," he said, trying to cover up his tracks. "I mean, it was Rowoon while I was gone, but we started on the same day so, yeah, I guess."

The two boys walked into the hallway, about to go tell the family about their son who he successfully completed surgery on. But in that moment, a man jumped on Taeyang, throwing him off guard. 

"YOU KILLED MY LITTLE GIRL YOU SICK TWISTED BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TELL ME YOU  _KILLED_ MY DAUGHTER THEN RUN AWAY TO GO TO ANOTHER PERSON-" Taeyang's mind went blank. He was being attacked by someone.  _ **The best way to deal with this is to not fight back. You can't fight back anyway, you're good for nothing and weak!**_ Zuho tried to step in but noticed Taeyang completely disengaging from his surrounding and letting his body go still as the man attacked him. Zuho grabbed the mans wrist, putting pressure on the pressure point, and punched him in the jaw. He looked down and saw Taeyang on the floor. He was awake and alive and okay, but he wasn't here. He was somewhere else. Zuho talked to the man and called security to escort him. "He wasn't the one who worked on your daughter, I was. If there was anyone you should have attacked it was me. But too late now." Security cuffed him and escorted him outside.

Taeyang moved towards a pillar and sat there, his lab coat had blood on it.  _It's happening again. Damnit Zuho do something!_

"Taeyang, lets, uh, let's go to my place." 

"I'm okay."  _That's weird_

"No, you clearly aren't. Let's go." He said, a little more strongly. No response. His eyes were locked on one of the waiting room chairs in front of him. The whole incident was replaying in his head. "Suit yourself." 

Zuho lifted Taeyang into a fireman's carry and walked out the building, avoiding the stares. He put Taeyang in the front seat of his car and drove off. Halfway through the drive, Taeyang finally spoke up. "I mentioned drinks," he mumbled. 

"What?"

"Take me home, I'll get drinks for us."

"Taeyang you were attacked and you had another episode."

"I'm fine, it happens. I grew up with it."

"Well, still. I'm not letting you go alone now."

"I'm not a baby," he said, a little angrier. 

"I have drinks at my place, don't worry," Zuho said, arriving at his apartment. They both walked in and Taeyang looked around.  _Damn, this place is so nice._ "You must be rich."  _Damnit you don't say things like that._ "Something like that. Being a neurosurgeon has its perks. You can sit down. You're not a stranger." Zuho brought out some white wine.  _Fancy._

"I thought you needed help unpacking?" Taeyang said, sipping his drink. "I do, but honestly, it's been a day. You need to relax," Zuho said, moving closer to Taeyang. "Get comfortable, take off your jacket. Honestly, you could spend the night, I don't really care." Taeyang watched as Zuho got up and took off his collared shirt, leaving the white -t-shirt on underneath.  _His abs, he has abs too. Oh my god, the shirt is see-through oh god._ "Uh, yea maybe," Taeyang said, taking off his jacket and sitting in. Zuho turned on the TV and went to grab food for the both of them.

"So when did you come into town?" he asked.

"I moved here a few days ago, but I had to fly to Chicago for something. I came back the same night I met you at the bar."

"Oh, nice," Zuho said, sitting back down with two plates of pizza. "Oh, thank you." Their hands touched. Zuho didn't, but Taeyang became nervous.  _This is going to be a long night._

 

 


	5. Love Shot (NSFW)

**Tuesday Night 11:30 PM:**

 

They didn't talk much in the night. Both boys wanted to say something, but neither knew what to say. Zuho didn't plan anything, but he felt an attraction towards his younger counterpart. He never quite felt anything like it. Maybe it was the alcohol talking or whatever, but something sparked emotions for Taeyang inside of him. Through the night, Zuho moved closer towards him, their legs touching. His presence in the room was much bigger than Taeyangs, who, after the incident in the hospital, was more reserved than anything else tonight.

"Tae, I brought home soju from Korea. Have you ever been there?" Zuho asked, getting up to go get some. "I've been there a few times as a kid, and my parents drink soju, but I never had any," he responded. Zuho came back and handed him a bottle. "It's kinda strong, so, I have to ask you something."

Taeyangs heart started pounding in his chest as Zuho moved closer towards him.  _Oh god, what's he going to ask. Do I look bad or something?_  His aura was powerful, his hair still slicked back, the shirt sticking to his chest, the outlines of his torso showing. "Do you want to do this?"

Zuho gripped the back of Taeyangs head with his hand, intertwining his fingers between his hair, and brought his lips to his. Taeyang was taken aback by this.  _He's gay?_ _Hot doctor is gay?_

Taeyang pulled away, confused. Zuho turned red. "S-sorry I didn't know," he stuttered. "No, you're gay?" Zuho let out a breath of relief, "No, I'm bi, but that doesn't change anything. I mean does it for you? Do you still want this?" Taeyang looked down and smiled. He opened the bottle of soju and looked at Zuho. "I want this." He downed half the bottle, making Zuho stare with his mouth gaping open. "Alright then." Zuho opened his bottle and chugged 3/4ths of it. "Wow, you really are a show-off," Taeyang said, smirking. They looked at each other, their faces now inch apart. 

They closed the gap at the same time, their mouths completely locked onto each other. Zuho controlled him, pushing his lips onto his until Taeyangs body moved with his own. His pushed open Taeyang's mouth with his tongue and wrapped it around his. His arms reached the couch's armrest, locking Taeyang beneath him. Taeyang wrapped his legs around him, then reached up behind him, aimlessly looking for the light switch to turn it off. Zuho grasped Taeyangs wrist and pinned him onto the couch, leaving him helpless. He pulled away, out of breath. He moved his mouth towards the younger boys ear, biting it lightly, which made Taeyang whimper softly. "Let's take this to my room." Taeyang wrapped his arms around Zuho's neck and kissed him again. Zuho picked him up and carried him into his room, getting more aggressive.

When they entered the room, Zuho closed the door and turned off the lights, Taeyang still being carried by him. Something dark sparked in Zuho. He slammed Taeyang against the door and starting feeling him up, his cold hands making him shiver. He reached the bottom of Taeyang's shirt and raised it above his head and cast it on the ground. 

"Bed," the younger boy whimpered. 

"Hmm? Okay."

Zuho took off his shirt, leaving both boys in buckled jeans. He carried Taeyang and kissed him again, dropping him on the bed as he got on top of him. "You won't be able to walk tomorrow," Zuho growled into his ear, turning both boys on. His fingers traced Taeyangs abs, reaching the buckle of his belt. Taeyang wrapped his arms around Zuhos neck and sucked it, biting gently. He moaned softly into Taeyangs ear. He unbuckled Taeyang's jeans, letting him take it off as he nibbled on Zuho's ear. "I'm going fucking crazy," Taeyang whispered. "Why do you say that?" Zuho said stopping what he was doing. "I'm literally being pinned down by the hottest man I've ever seen," Zuho smirked. "I'm pinning down the hottest man  _I've_ ever seen," Taeyang smiled. "Then keep going, asshole."

Zuho sat up and unbuckled his belt and took off his jeans, leaving both of them in their undergarments. He got on top of the younger boy, their bodies sticking to each other as things heated up. "Tell me when you don't want this anymore," Zuho took off the youngers underwear, leaving him exposed. He brought the blanket over the both of them as he brought his head lower to it. He enclosed his mouth around Taeyangs, now hard, erection. Taeyang was taken aback by how powerful it felt, letting out a moan and arching his back. Zuho kept going, Taeyang getting louder each time he went down. "F-fuck, Juho," he said, accidentally saying his real name. Taeyang couldn't tell, but it turned him on even more. Zuho stopped just as he was going to release. "You think I'm easy?" Juho said, coming up. Taeyang was annoyed at this.

"F-fuck you," 

"Actually, that's what I'm gonna do to you."

Zuho flipped Taeyang onto his side and spooned him, his dick touched the back of Taeyang, grinding slowly against him. Taeyang pushed himself against Zuho's body as he held onto him. He intertwined his hands with Zuhos, who was breathing onto his neck. Zuho slowly put himself into the younger, making him grip onto his hand harder. "Fuck, Juho!" 

"My name coming out of your mouth is the hottest thing I've ever heard," he growled into Taeyangs ear. He went slowly at first, letting the smaller boy adjust. He went slowly and passionately, making Taeyang cry out softly. He decided it was now or never, so he went faster, groaning louder with Taeyang. He flipped him onto his stomach and got on top of him, their bodies in connection. He went faster and harder while Taeyang was getting louder, almost screaming Juho's name at this point. "Juho, fu-fuck I'm gonna-" "M-me too, holy shit." 

They screamed out each others name at the same time, releasing at the same time, making Juho collapse on top of Taeyang. He breathed really heavily, Taeyang still whimpering at the older boys touch. 

Zuho got off of him. Both of them had their hair plastered onto their forehead. Taeyang flipped to face Zuho, who smiled at him. "You wanted this?" Zuho said, letting Taeyang come closer to him. He embraced Taeyang, letting him rest his head on his chest. "I did." He played with his wet hair, pushing it back. He kissed the top of his forehead. "This was the best sex I've ever had," Zuho said, feeling Taeyang smile. "I'm that good?" he joked. "Oh, so you did all the hard work? Damn trauma surgeons," Zuho said, laughing. "Of course you feel that way, Dr.Hotshot," Taeyang said, wrapping his arms around Zuhos waist.

They stayed silent for a while, with the faint sound of the nearby highway roaring quietly and Zuho's hand playing with Taeyang's hair softly, his other hand intertwined with Taeyangs hand. Zuho broke the silence. "What are we?" Taeyang thought for a bit. "We should get to know each other more, I like you a lot." They didn't look at each other, but held on to each other instead. "I think we should too." 

"So are we a thing?"

"Kind of, I guess."

"Not hard set, but exclusive?"

"I guess so."

"I'm fine with that."

Both boys pulled away from each other and got into a more comfortable position. Zuho laid on his back, his right arm underneath Taeyang, pulling him towards him. Taeyang's head was just underneath Zuho's chin, resting on top of his heart. Their legs were intertwined, covered by a blanket that held them together. As they drifted off into the night, Taeyang's only thought was  _I'm gonna fuck this up._

 

 


	6. Starry Night

**Friday Night, 9:30 PM, 7 years ago.**

 

_ The house was silent. Nothing but the sound of the young resident's pencil on the paper was audible in the small house of two. The board exams were coming up, and the young man was trying to cram in last minute information in his already burned out brain. There was a faint sound of a door opening and keys clanging onto the table. A rush of happiness flowed through the young man, making him relax. _

_ “Hey there, I just got home. Do you need anything? Water, food, maybe a massage? You’re tense.”  _

_ The older girl walked up to her friend, patting him on the back. "Jiku! I'm okay. Glad you're home though, I didn't wash the dishes. The boards are going to kill me," he said, looking up at his best friend. She smiled at him. “You’ll pass the boards. You’re made to be a neurosurgeon. It’s in your blood.” Zuho looked up and smiled at Jiku. “Easy for you to say, you ranked at the top of your class at Hopkins. You’re made to be a Cardiothoracis surgeon.” She looked at him sincerely. “Are you sure you don’t need anything? I’m headed to Marks house for the night,” she said.  _

_ Zuho froze in his seat at the thought of Mark. He’s always had a bad hunch about his best friends boyfriend. “Are you sure you’re going now?” He asked, suddenly nervous about her. “Yea, I’ll text you if I need you.” She walked behind him and embraced him, letting his head fall back into her chest. “I’m not gonna bother you unless it’s an emergency.” She softly kissed the top of his head. _

_ “You’re the smartest guy I know, Juju.” She let go of him. “You need to start acting like it. Walk into every room like you’re the baddest bitch in the universe, because you are. Always dress your best. No matter what happens tomorrow, you’re gonna come out a badass who took his boards. We’ll celebrate with Jaeyoon and the gang. I’m proud of you.” Zuho looked at her.  _

_ “I love you Jiku, but please stay safe. You know how I feel about Mark.”  _ _ She looked at him with soft eyes. “I promise if anything happens you’ll be the first person I call for help but give the man a break.” He was skeptical. _

 

**_2 hours later_ **

 

_ Zuho has always been good with hunches. He couldn’t study peacefully knowing Jiku was with that man. So when he got a phone call from Jiku, he felt his stomach drop. “Shit,” he said, dropping his pencil on the ground and running to his phone. His hands were shaking, his heart aching. He wanted to puke, but he managed to pick up the phone.  _

_ “J-Jiku?” he said, his voice trembling with fear.  _

_ “Juho I don’t have time…” she whispered. Zuho's mind went completely blank.  _

_ “Jiku where are you I’m coming. Hold on.” He grabbed the car keys lying on his desk and started to head towards the door.  _

_ “Juho no. You need to focus on the boards. Your future relies on it," she said, trying to be as calm as possible. " _ _ I’ll find a way to be okay. I always do Juju." Her tears were audible through the line, her voice cracking. _

_ “Jiku please shut up where are you-“  _

_ The line started to break. Juho heard the sound of a man screaming. _

_ “Juho I’ll be home tomorrow. I promise. I’ll find a way. Focus on your exam. It’s you and the exam. I love you,” she said hanging up, leaving Juho screaming her name into the phone. _

 

**Wednesday Morning, 2:30 AM, Present Day**

“FUCK!”

Zuho's eyes shot open, his breathing fast and shallow, his forehead littered with beads of sweat and his heart pounding so hard it would fall out of his chest. There was a wave of cold that washed over him, making him shiver viciously. Taeyang stirred awake and looked at the older boy.

“Juho? Are you okay?” He asked. He looked down, realizing that Taeyang was still half asleep with his face plastered onto his bare chest. “Tae,” he stroked his hair, trying to stay calm and collected for him while his mind was caving in on itself. "I'm okay, don't worry. J-just a nightmare."  _No, not now not in front of Taeyang._

He was skeptical, but he decided to stay quiet. “Alright. I’m right here Zuho.” he kissed his cheek and laid in his arms again. Taeyangs warmth calmed down Zuho. He let his presence fill his mind, calming him down enough to fall back asleep. He was in his arms, letting him believe he's protecting someone. All he wanted to do was hold him and never let go.  _I will protect him with my life, for you, Jiku._


	7. Good Luck

**Wednesday Morning, 7:30 AM**

 

The sun glared into the bedroom, the two boys tangled together like a knot. The alarm went off, making the both of them jolt awake. 

"Good morning, beautiful," Zuho said, looking down at the smaller boy. Taeyang blushed and shoved his face into Zuho's face. "Aw, don't do that," he said, pushing him away so he can see him. Taeyang's hair was messy, his face red and his neck had two bruises.

"Well damn, I give a good hickey," Juho said, smiling at Taeyang. "Oh shut up..." he said, getting up and stretching. Zuho admired Taeyang from behind, watching as he lifted his arms over his head as he stretched, the sun making him glow. But Zuho got suspicious; there were scratch marks on the back of his shoulder that weren't visible last night in the dark. He pretended not to notice the visible markings while Taeyang talked to him "Do you have coffee here? Also, where are my clo- oh fuck." Taeyang turned red again. "Don't worry about clothes, you can wear some of mine for today. We have to hurry up and get to work." Zuho got up and proceeded to walk to the dresser. 

Taeyang suddenly froze. "Uh, do you have something long sleeved I can wear. And long-legged?" Zuho's suspicions grew.  _If he wants to tell me he will in due time._ "Yea you can have this t-shirt. What color pants?" "Black, preferably." Zuho tried to break the tension that was growing. "What are you fuckin emo? No judgment." Taeyang faced Zuho. The both of them pretended to not notice that they were both topless and glowing. "I'm not emo, I just have a streak of being a lil dark." 

Zuho threw a black t-shirt and a long-sleeved white shirt to go underneath and some old jeans. "I think I'm a size bigger, so these were from a few years ago." Zuho left to go make some breakfast and Taeyang got dressed. As Taeyang put the jeans on, he noticed there was something in one of the pockets. He pulled out a small golden chain with a locket on it. It was a picture a young girl and what appeared to be a young Zuho. The girl had medium length black hair and almost black eyes, her skin slightly tanned. The both of them had movie theatre glasses and their heads were touching and they both had a large grin on their face. The other side had the words "BFFs b4 Dr.'s" written in messy pencil. 

He had the locket in his hands and walked out into the living room where the older boy was microwaving some ramen and brewing coffee. "Well there you are, here," Zuho handed him a small to-go cup of coffee, "I hope you like mochas, they're all I drink haha." Taeyang took a sip. "I prefer americanos but I needed a change so why not." He dropped the locket on the counter. "Oh, I found this, by the way, I didn't know what to do with it."

Upon seeing the golden chain, Zuho dropped his cup. His face turned white and he stared at the locket. "Fuck..." Taeyang got up and ran around the counter to grab Zuho, whose knees were giving up.  _Fuck how did I forget?_ "Okay bad idea, come on." Taeyang led him to the couch and made him sit down. Zuho's mind was running at a thousand miles per hour, every forgotten thought hitting him at once.  _First the nightmare now this?_ Taeyang looked around for a towel and cleaned up the coffee. Zuho clutched the locket in his fist, the metal digging into the palm of his hand. Taeyang noticed a small drop of blood coming out of his hand. "Shit, Zuho-"

He frantically looked around for band-aids.  _Come on he's a surgeon he needs to have band-aids._ He decided to just grab a towel and take care of it. "Zuho, okay come on give me the locket." He forced Zuhos hand open and took the metal chain out of his hands. He wrapped the bleeding hand with a wet towel.  _Antiseptic, infection._ He saw last nights soju open on the table.  _Alcohol._ Zuho wasn't paying attention to his surroundings; he seemed to be in his own world.

"Juho? Baby? This is going to hurt, take my hand." He gripped Juho's hand and poured the alcohol onto his hands, making him scream into Taeyangs chest. He took the towel and wrapped it around his hands, then cleaned the locket.  _Whatever that is, it's important._  "Let's go to work and get you fixed up. You're a surgeon, your hands are valuable." He took the locket and put it into his hands. Zuho snapped out of his trance. He looked down and saw his hand wrapped up. "Fuck..." he sighed. "Don't worry, I cleaned you up. You need a stitch or two. If you let me, I'll do it without anyone noticing." 

Zuho looked at Taeyang. "You didn't need to do that..." He felt weak. He never felt weak. He didn't  _want_ to feel weak. He wanted to be the one who protected others, not be protected. The visible scars on Taeyangs body worried him, but he let himself fall to his dark mind. Zuho got up. "Let me get dressed, give me like 15 minutes." Taeyang looked at him like he was insane. "You don't need to dress up every day. Just put on a polo and some jeans." Zuho looked at him with a glare. "I need to wear my clothes, leave me alone." Taeyang was stronger here. "No, the fuck you are not. Put on a shirt. You have 5 minutes," he demanded, shocking Zuho to where he complied. 

 

**8:30 AM**

 

Taeyang and Zuho snuck into a trauma room so that Taeyang could quickly stitch him up. They were mostly quiet, besides the gentle gasps of pain Zuho let out as he stitched the needle. Zuho held onto Taeyangs arm. He tried not to move too much as Zuho squeezed into the scars on his forearm, hidden by the shirt. "Do you still have the, you know, the locket with you?" he asked quietly. Taeyang was focused on his hand.  _I don't need him to be set off again._ "Taeyang answer me, where is the locket." 

"I have it somewhere safe with me. I know a trigger when I see one. You-  _we-_ will deal with it later," Taeyang said in a commanding voice. Zuho looked up at him and raised his eyebrow. "Fine. Am I done yet?" Taeyang looked down and smiled, finishing the stitch. Just then, the curtains swiped open and Youngbin walked in, panicked and frantic. "Uh, Dr.Baek. You're off for the day." Both boys stopped their actions and looked up. "But I have a craniotomy scheduled today?" Youngbin closed the curtains. "Zuho, as your chief and your friend, you  _need_ to go home." "What? No, I'm not going home." Taeyang looked at Youngbin. "What's going on?"

Taeyangs pager went off.  _911._ "We have an incoming from another city. The patient's injuries wouldn't be treated at the hospital near him so they're flying him here." Zuho stood up and grabbed his coat and pager. "Zuho you are off today. Go home and relax. Rest your hand. This is an order," Youngbin said, snatching Zuho's lab coat and name tag. Zuho looked at him in awe.   
Youngbin what's happening?" 

"Nothing just go home. I'll reschedule. Go. Get out." Youngbin said. Taeyang looked at Zuho with a look of confusion. "I'll come over tonight Juho, if that's fine with you." "I was gonna tell you to come over anyway so yes its fine with me." Taeyang and Youngbin ran to the ambulance bay and Zuho left. 

As Taeyang was walking with Youngbin, he pulled him aside. "Zuho can't be here. Not today. The incoming patient is someone that's had a bad history with Zuho." 

"What, was he a bad case? Physical? Threatening?" Taeyang whispered. "Worse, and complicated. It was when he was a 4th-year resident." 

"That was ages ago though?"

"Don't worry too much about it, let's just treat him and get him on his way. He has a bad history with us here too, but it affected him the most."

As they were walking, Jaeyoon and Inseong pushed by angrily. "It's a tough case for the hospital, so we're keeping this between you, me, ortho and cardio, which are Jaeyoon and Inseong,"

The paramedic ran in with a patient on the gurney. The man has swooped black hair, some light facial hair and a scar crossing his left eye and a sleeve tattoo.

"Mark Fujita age 31, hit by a car on the interstate. Legs crushed, history of heart defects."

 


	8. Ancient History

**9:30 AM**

Taeyang was doing a work-up on Mark, getting slews of messages from Zuho, asking him what was happening. Jaeyoon and Inseong did full cardio and ortho work ups, doing so silently and reluctantly. Taeyang couldn’t help but notice the the boiling anger in the both of them. Mark was unconscious, with a tube breathing for him. 

“So is anyone gonna tell me anything about this guy?” He asked, breaking the silence. Jaeyoon looked at Inseong, who stopped working and closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s history. Ancient history,” Inseong said, his voice quaking. “Is it something he did?” He asked again. Inseong dropped his instruments and ripped his gloves off, throwing them on the group. “Yes. It was. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go.” He walked out of the room, slamming the door in the process. “Jaeyoon?” He asked, now nervous about his reaction. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered, finishing up what Inseong forgot to complete. 

Taeyang ended up being the main attending on the patient. _Something isn’t right. Juho isn’t here, all the doctors are being weird._ He paced the patient room, anxiously, waiting for Youngbin to come and tell him what to do next. He wanted to take him into an operating room and fix him but none of the doctors wanted to deal with this unless they had to. 10 minutes passed by before Youngbin came into the room and shut the blinds. 

“There’s something going on between you and Zuho. It’s cute, he seems happy or whatever. But you _cannot_  tell him about this patient,” He said, rather angrily. He noticed Youngbins eyes beginning to water. “Dr.Kim? What’s going on?” Youngbin looked at him. “You need to take full control on this patient. None of the attendings besides Dr.Lee and Dr.Kim can know he’s here.” Taeyang looked up. “Can you please tell me what’s going on though?” He said, starting to get anxious and worried about his safety. Youngbin pulled him out of the room, letting the residents clean him up. 

“You will know this story so you don’t ask anyone else. You can’t ever bring this up especially not with Juho.” His face started to turn red. “He was a resident here while Zuho was also a resident. Zuho never liked him, and the other residents at the time didn’t like him either.” He started to pace through the hallway, running his hands through his hair. Taeyang listened intently. “We had a Cardiothoracic surgeon here at the time. She was the best in this region and probably one of best in the country. Her name was Dr. Jiku Kim. She was Zuhos best friend. She practically raised him since he was an intern. They were a team outside of the hospital and she was his teacher inside the hospital, even though Zuho became neuro. She was stuck between Neuro and Cardio and picked Cardio. She also became Inseongs mentor. She was their best friend.” Youngbin said, tears forming. 

Taeyangs heart dropped. Youngbin continued. “She was the best friend you could ever ask for. She was supportive and loving but she was also a strong teacher. Her presence was confident but ethical and she brought a light with her everywhere. Jiku, Zuho, Jaeyoon, Inseong, Dawon and Rowoon were basically an unstoppable team. She raised them and they made her grow. She was in my group when we became attendings,” he said leaning against the wall. 

Taeyang gripped onto the locket and contemplated asking Youngbin about it. “She was dating Mark at the time. No one likes it, but she didn’t think twice about it. One day Mark did something illegal in the program and I had to kick him off.” 

At this moment Jaeyoon walked by, and upon realizing what Youngbin was doing, he stopped. “Youngbin you don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to.” He whispered angrily. “No he has the right to know.” 

“Then you go, I’ll finish telling him. You don’t need to torture yourself.” Youngbin ran into an on-call room. Taeyang stood there absorbing the information. “So he was kicked off our residency program for stealing narcotics to take home. Jiku wanted to help him.” Jaeyoon said, sitting on the floor, looking up at Taeyang. “That night he was kicked off was the same night before our board exams, so Mark was pissed. Jiku went to go comfort him, leaving Zuho at their house.” Jaeyoon started turning red, the air in the hallway suddenly becoming cold. “Zuhos words keep replaying in my head. ‘Something happened to Jiku and Mark. She’s in trouble and I cant help her’. After the exams, we went to their house and waited. We waited for hours, until the police came.” Inseong came back, his eyes bloodshot. “Are we telling him?” He said angrily. Jaeyoon nodded. 

“We lost our best friend that night. And he made it out alive. And we don’t know how. And she isn’t dead. She’s missing. She’s been missing for 7 years.” Inseong was sitting next to Jaeyoon across the hall at this point, his head leaning on the younger friends shoulder. “Mark made it out somehow. We never saw him again. He came one time a few years ago because he broke his leg. Jaeyoon refused to work him so we told him to go to hell and find another hospital.” 

“He was never our friend in the first place. He’s always been shady and weird and super arrogant. He never helped us or wanted to help us. And we always-“ Inseong stopped talking and took a breath. “We would always see Jiku with bruises and marks on her shoulder or face, and she kept telling us it was sex injuries. But one night Zuho walked into Jiku’s room and caught him screaming at her, and hitting her. Zuho apparently punched him in the face or something.” Jaeyoon laughed coldly. “That bastard made our girl run away. We don’t know where she is and he made her so scared she ran away.” 

“Since that day 7 years ago when the cops came and told us that they couldn’t find her, she’s always been a missing person and the hospital was never the same. To this day we miss her. But we never had any idea on what to do. We gave up.” Jaeyoon has tears streaming down her face. 

“Zuho never forgave himself. He keeps blaming himself for this. He has PTSD over it. The phone call and the screaming and the police. He cannot know Mark is here.” Inseong said getting up. “So, yea. That’s that. You’re the doctor in charge of him. Don’t try to kill him.”

Taeyang was left standing in the hallways, completely shocked at the story. _The girl in the locket was a former doctor and an essential part of this hospital. She was Zuhos best friend. She was his second half. Jiku Kim._ The name sounded familiar to him but he couldn’t point it out. He held the locked tight in his hands and walked back into the room. Upon seeing Mark he felt instant anger, almost as if he stepped on a puppy. The idea that he was a lowlife abusive drug abusing bastard set Taeyang off more than anything. He wanted nothing more than to pull the plug and let him rot. The residents in the room watched as Taeyangs face turned red and his hands shake. Then he realized he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction and relief of death. 

“Dr.Yoo, he’s startibg to wake up, should we give him morphine?” Asked Dr.Kang. Taeyang thought for a moment. “Not until he’s screaming and begging for the relief of pain.” 

His mind became black, his eyes focused on the bastard in front of him. Flashbacks of his past flooded his mind. Taeyangs story had a parallel that set him off.

 

**7:30 PM**

Jaeyoon and Taeyang completes the first of many surgeries to come for this guy. Jaeyoon was the first person out of the OR, leaving Taeyang to close him up and send him to the ICU. He couldn’t help but pray that he died on the table for hurting this many people. He couldn’t help but pray that he died because he hurt Zuho. He called it a night and put residents Hwiyoung and Chani in charge for his care. 

He checked his phone and there were 100 messages from Zuho. Some were of him freaking out and others were of him asking what kind of drink they wanted. Taeyang decided to spend the night at Zuhos again.

Upon arrival, he saw the the door was open and that Inseong was at Zuhos apartment. He was simply crying on Zuhos couch, watching him comfort the older boy. “Is everything okay?” He asked shyly. Zuho and Inseong looked up and moved over for Taeyang to sit. Zuho seemed extremely shaken up, but he seemed to pull himself together for his friend. “He knows, Taeyang.” Inseong said. He looked at Zuho, who’s eyes were blood shot, his clothes dirty and his arms shaking. At this moment, Jaeyoon, Rowoon and Dawon barged in. 

“Woah what’s going on?” Taeyang asked suspiciously. Rowoon grabbed a bottle from the counter and threw the lid off, taking a huge drink. Jaeyoon and Dawon walked to the other couch and sat down silently. “Was it-“ Taeyang started. He didn’t need to finish. “Yes it was him.” Dawon said. Zuho got up and walked into his room, slamming the door. There was a loud crash and the sound of breaking glass. All the boys seemed to be immensely stressed out. 

“Someone repeat what the message said.” Jaeyoon got up and paced the room, tears starting to spill. 

“What’s going on?” Taeyang said. Rowoon walked over to Taeyang and put his hand on his shoulder. “Youngbin told you everything you needed to know.” The smell of alcohol was coming off of Rowoon. Zuho came out of the room, his arm bleeding with glass sticking out of his arm. Taeyang immediately stood up. “Oh fuck Zuho come here,” Taeyang said, grabbing the emergency kit he had in his bag. They sat at the table, cleaning up his arm, with Zuho completely gone from his surroundings. He had nothing but red hot anger in his face. 

“Someone tell Taeyang what’s going on.” Inseong grabbed his phone. He played a voicemail. The sound of a girls voice was coming out of his phone. The room went cold.

”It’s Jiku. I-I don’t have a l-lot of time to say this. I-I’m okay. I-I m-miss you guys. You p-probably don’t e-even remember m-me b-but I c-can’t stop thinking about you all. I l-love you guys,” she started. Everyone in the room was silent, Taeyang listening intently. The voice sounded stressed and forced, as if someone was watching her. Suddenly she spoke faster.

”P-please come help me I-I don’t know w-where I am, I-I was given one ch-chance to call you guys but I-I think I’m at some w-warehouse in another city b-but they force me t-to d-do illegal transplants a-and. I re-really fucking h-hope this gets to y-you p-please help-“ She was cut off with someone screaming at her again. At that moment Zuho flinched, his body started shaking, and he gripped onto Taeyangs arm. 

Everyone in the room was motionless. Zuho snapped out of his trance, seeing Taeyang flinch at Zuhos touch. The scars on his arm were hurting as Zuho squeezed. “S-Sorry Taeyang,” he mumbled.

It was pin drop silent for what seemed like years. Dawon was the first to speak up. 

“So what do we do?”

 

 


	9. Nowhere

**10:30 PM**

Everyone cleared out of the room, no one coming up with a stable solution to the problem. Everyone was at a loss. Taeyang has non stop flashbacks every time he thought of Mark. What shocked him the most was the way Zuho was acting. At points, he seemed to break down. But when he broke down, he became quiet and reserved. He stayed to himself and became a shell of a being. He then snapped back and became stronger. He became a leader again. He would break then suddenly he was fine and calm and cool. He seemed to force himself to be okay for the others. Taeyang admired this, but it made him worry. Zuho was trying to be a hero when he hurt the most. 

“Taeyang. Don’t go home please?” Zuho said, climbing into his bed. “I need to talk to you.” 

Taeyang smiles at him. “I wasn’t planning on leaving tonight Juho.” He took off his shirt and got into a pair of shorts and climbed into the bed next to Zuho. “I need to ask you something important. It’s different from the past few hours.” Taeyang noticed that Zuho was forcing himself to stay strong and protecting. He let him ask. 

“I noticed you have, scars, over your shoulder.”

Taeyang froze. _Fuck I didn’t hide it from him._ Taeyang looked at Zuho, his mind starting to scramble. “I-uh- well- fuck- no I didn’t. Okay, w-“

”You don’t need to tell me if you aren’t comfortable. But, please tell me if you’re okay or not.” He asked, concerned. 

“Juho, there's a lot I’m not telling you. And you’re too tired for this and you have a lot worse shit happening to than my mental issues so-“ Zuho shut him up. “You don’t get to compare issues here. If it’s hurting you then it’s bad. That’s final.” Taeyang laid against the wall, sitting up and facing Zuho. “Look, I know you want to care about me or protect me or whatever, but you have much bigger issues to deal with. Whatever I say is insignificant. It’s just my personal mental health issues and I’m not hurting anyone but myself so it’s fine.” He felt Zuho grab his hand and rub it with his thumb. “If it’s hurting you then it’s significant.”

Taeyang pulled his hand away and laid back down, this time facing away from Zuho. “I barely know you. We had a one night stand and you seem to want to protect me so badly. I like it, I feel a lot better these days knowing you’re here. But how reliable is this? How strong are we? We aren’t even officially dating yet it feels like you took up my whole heart. How do I know that you actually truly care the same way?” Zuho's heart broke at this. He didn’t know what to say. 

“Taeyang...” 

“Look I exposed myself just now. I have paranoia and anxiety. I have this little voice in my head that comes every once in a while and it’s like there’s nothing but that voice that’s just screaming horrible things into my head.” He said. Zuho's attention was completely towards Taeyang at this point. The room was pin-drop silent beside their breathing. “Those- uh- scars you see? They’re uh, me hurting myself. It’s not a typical razor or whatever romanticized bullshit you see on those Facebook pages made by 12-year-olds. They’re scratches or needles. Not all of them though. Some are from-“ Taeyang stopped. His mind became cloudy and he stopped breathing for a moment. “Taeyang?”

Zuho flipped Taeyang over to face him. His eyes were open but he wasn’t here. “Taeyang can you see me?” Zuho moves towards him. Suddenly he snapped out of it. “I-I-uh- you know what it's fine that's as far as I'll tell you okay? Do what you want with that information." Taeyang flopped onto is back and started to close his eyes. Zuho kept staring at him for a few more moments before sighing deeply and kissing his cheek. "Okay. If that's what you're comfortable telling that's okay. I'm here for you." 

"Yea, but then again, I don't know how reliable that is. Let's just drop this and go to sleep Juho." He opened his eye's and faced the older boy. "And Juho. You're going through a lot right now too. I want to help. You don't need to be strong in front of me. I'm here for you too. Yea I'm a little fucked in the head but I've made it this far, haven't I?" He smiled. Zuho stayed quiet, absorbing Taeyangs presence. "Okay," he whispered, flipping onto his stomach to go to sleep, still facing Taeyang and wrapping his arm around his torso, trying to go to sleep calmly at the presence of his new found lover.

 

**Thursday Morning, 3:00 AM**

 

Zuhos eyes shot open, similar to the night before.  _Something feels wrong._ He looked up. Taeyang was fast asleep under his arm, only this time he was flipped on his side facing him.  _Something is very wrong._ He looked around.  _Where's my phone?_ He got up, careful not to wake up Taeyang. His phone was by the windowsill, the reflection of the moon shining on it. He went to grab it, wanting to check the notifications. Nothing. His phone was dead. He walked back towards the bed and carefully climbed over Taeyangs body to the phone charger.  _Not careful enough damnit!_ Taeyang stirred awake, only to see Zuho hovering over him and blocking his view. "Isn't it too early for another round?" Taeyang said, half asleep but in a sly manner. Zuho looked down and laughed. "Go back to sleep and I'll consider it tomorrow." 

As his phone started up again, he realized he had notifications from an unknown number.  _Fuck._ "Uh, Taeyang switch spots with me." Taeyang looked confused but listened to him. "Is everything okay?" He asked, concerned. "Yea, I mean no, well, I don't know." His vision was still compromised by his sleeping state. "Who texted you?" Taeyang asked, now looking over Zuhos back.

Zuho started reading the messages, before suddenly dropping his phone and sitting up suddenly. "Taeyang. I-I need you to hold me." 

"What?" Taeyang sat up and grabbed his arm.

"Jiku."

"What?"

"Sh-she managed to run away apparently, b-but she doesn't kn-know and-" He was talking very fast and panicked. "Okay breathe Juho."

"Taeyang she's okay."

"What?" Taeyang stopped rubbing his arm. 

"She says she's okay but she's lost."

"You should reply to her, how does she have your number?" Taeyang said, perplexed. Zuho looked at him. "Jaeyoon's idea. She always memorized everything. God, she was so smart. After she left, he said to keep the same number in the off chance she can get ahold of us."

"That's not an off chance anymore, now is it?" Taeyang said, taking the phone out of his hand. "Juho, we can deal with this in the morning. You need to sleep."

Zuho was antsy, but agreed.


	10. Life Afraid

**Thursday Morning, 9:30 AM**

 

 

"I've called this unorthodox meeting for a reason," Zuho started, the confidence oozing off of his presence, a contrast to the night before. Taeyang, Jaeyoon, Inseong, Rowoon, Youngbin, and Dawon all sat on the couch in the attending's lounge, waiting for their friend to start. "7 years ago, we lost a cardiothoracic surgeon to unknown circumstances. Jiku Kim was our best friend. She was basically my sister. Our last account of her was with a man. A man who lies in this hospital injured," Zuho started, grabbing a notebook where he kept in the inside of his lab coat. "Yes, I wrote down everything this morning during breakfast. No, I didn't actually eat breakfast, and yes I'll be fine." Taeyang looked at him, pulled a granola bar from the inside of his lab coat, and threw it at him, making everyone laugh slightly. "I come prepared, idiot," he said playfully, making Zuho smile. 

"Anyway, what I was going to say was-" he started, taking in a deep breath, "we no longer have to worry about her whereabouts. She is okay," Zuho said, his eye's starting to water. "She was forced to do illegal surgeries. I don't have to remind you all of the voicemail from yesterday. She messaged me again in the middle of the night. She said she ran away but she can't recognize anything. The text message from her earlier this morning reads 'I found some money on the ground. I bought a cheap phone. This is my number. Help me, please. -Jiku' and I still don't know what to do or say," Zuho said.

Jaeyoon piped up. "She's the only one that knows our numbers, and she texted you first. It's very likely that it's her. You should respond, Zuho," he said, shifting in his seat nervously. Zuho looked at everyone, who gave a nod of agreement. "Alright then," he said, typing the message. 

'Jiku? Its Juho, I got these messages. Do you have any landmark at all? Anything that can give us a clue?'

"I did it, I sent it. Now we wait." Zuho sat down next to Taeyang, who rubbed his back comfortingly while resting his chin on his shoulder. The other boys sat in anticipation, praying they don't get a page for a patient.

"Wait, Fujita is still in a room. Do we confront him?" Rowoon asked, clenching his fists at the thought of him. "No, we can't. We're his doctors, unfortunately..." Youngbin said. The atmosphere became tenser as each second passed waiting for a response from Jiku. Dawon suddenly piped up. "Who's not on his case, officially?" Taeyang looked up, "I'm not. I admitted him under Dr.Lee and Dr.Kim."

"You're not his doctor. He doesn't know you. You can confront hi-" Inseong started, interrupted by Juho. "No," he said, grabbing Taeyangs hand suddenly, "What if he gets hurt? He's dangerous!" There were murmurs of agreement amongst the boys. 

"I can still do it, though," Taeyang said. "He doesn't know me, he knows nothing of me. Just tell me what to do." Jaeyoon stood up and started pacing. "Well, you'd have to first approach him as a doctor. You could just be doing simple checkups and stuff," he started, twiddling his fingers. "Then, be a little friendly or whatever, make him believe he's your friend. Then say you'll visit him after hours." He started smiling to himself. Inseong interrupted his ranting. "But wouldn't this break a law?" 

"Not technically. Not if he's being his friend, not his doctor." Youngbin said.

"You'll try to find out his deep dark secrets I guess. Get him drunk or whatever," Dawon said.

"No, he's still an injured patient," Juho said, thinking.

Suddenly, Juho's phone went off, a message from Jiku glaring in his face. "Oh my god-" Juho said. 

"What did she say?" Inseong piped up.

"She gave me her time. 6:30 AM." Juho said, immediately going on the computer in the lounge and looking up all the countries with the same time zone. "Ask her what the weather is like!" 

'Jiku, what's the weather like where you are?"

He went through a list of all the countries that had a 6:30 AM time. 3 hours behind them, so same continent.

"What places would do illegal surgeries that are three hours behind us?" he asked aloud to the group around him.

 

Suddenly, the Inseong, Jaeyoon, and Taeyang were paged 911. Fujita

"You think the hag finally kicked the bucket..." Youngbin said, making the doctors laugh darkly.

 

Taeyang led the way, Jaeyoon and Inseong following close behind him. As they approached the patient room, security guards pushed by, as well as a Psychiatry attending.

 

"Let me go!!! They're gonna get me!!!! The spiders are gonna get me!!!" screamed the man. 

 

The three of them stood at the doorway, watching as the security guard pries an unsuspecting nurse from the grasp of Mark, scratches on her arm. This alarmed Taeyang slightly, but he kept his cool.

"Do any of you three know about this patients mental illness history?" asked the Psychiatrist. Taeyang immediately pulled up his chart, with Jaeyoon and Inseong looking intently. "No history of mental illness?"

"Do you guys mind if I do a quick test on him? I think he might have schizophrenia. The three of them froze suddenly, the guilt creeping in.

They watched as the attending tested Mark, asking questions. Mark looked like he was flying on clouds, talking about objects and creatures in front of him that didn't exist.

Taeyang whispered to Jaeyoon, "Page Youngbin, this might answer a lot of questions," then proceeded to walk into the room to check the vitals.

 

****

 

 


	11. Crazy = Genius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, its been a long time since i've updated, i've been struggling a lot with college applications, my own mental health and school. As a compromise for this fic as well as others, i'll try to do shorter more frequent updates <3

**Thursday Afternoon, 1:00 pm, Cafeteria**

"So what you're telling me is that he's never been in his right mind?" a confused Youngbin asked the Psychiatrist. At this point, all the doctors except Zuho knew about Marks chronic Schizophrenia, the shock just starting to settle into everyone's mind. "It impaired his thinking. By the extremities of it, it looks as if it has been there untreated for over 5 years.

"What the fuck..." Inseong said, his head in his hands.

"What does it affect? Sorry, I never really studied Psych..." Jaeyoon asked, pacing the room.

"As far as I know, he sees things that aren't there, feels things, and is extremely paranoid. If you guys are done doing surgeries on him, I'd like to take him into the Psych ward to observe him over the course of a few days to see how bad it is and so I can medicate him," he said, taking notes on his tablet.

He got up and left the 6 of them to their lunch. But no one was hungry. 

"C-could we even blame him for what happened anymore..." Dawon asked, nervously shaking his legs. "I mean, he wasn't even in his right mind for all we know."

"Let's not jump to conclusions, why did he just let her run off?" Rowoon said.

Taeyang looked up. "I agree, mental illnesses shouldn't be a scapegoat for everything. But on the other hand, Schizophrenia is psychosis, not neurosis. He was completely gone and unaware if he was having an episode."

 

As they were discussing, Zuho walked towards them, coffee in one hand, phone in the other. 

"Okay, I have news about Jiku," Zuho said excitedly. Everyone silently thanked God that he changed the topic, hoping to find some relief in a solution to save their friend.

"She says she hitchhiked and crossed the border, illegally.  I am assuming Mexico. She sees the desert and a highway. Apparently, the car left her at a gas station with money." He passed his phone around to show the messages. They were littered with typos, but they helped either way.

"There are no deserts near New York..." Rowoon said. 

"No shit, we're in the middle of a city!" Youngbin said.

 

"Oh, did you guys talk to Fujita? Like any confrontation or anything?" Zuho said casually, hiding his rising anger. 

 

The group went silent, not knowing what to say. 

 

Taeyang spoke up.

"Oh he woke up, but then went into cardiac arrest. We saved him and now he's on a ventilator until Inseong can do a valve repair," he said, lying, but hoping everyone would agree so they have more time.

"Damn. He doesn't have a DNR? How unfortunate." Zuho said, shoveling Jaeyoons pasta into his mouth. His pager went off. "Fuck, we'll discuss more plans later and I'll keep you guys updated."

 

He got up, quickly planted a kiss on Taeyangs cheek, then ran off.  His stomach filled with butterflies. 

 

"Your face is red..." Youngbin said, everyone laughing at the comment.

"Zuho got lucky, all my lovers were crusty white boys who didn't shower in days," Rowoon said.

 

 


End file.
